Yes Life is different, but this is what I know. I know Holland

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips.Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

This is a very beautiful poem that we were given by a friend shortly after Brooklyn was born. At the time I agreed with the part about “the pain will never ever go away”, Because that pain is nothing you can prepare for and it HURTS, but, that is how I felt then.

Here I am 18 months down the road and I don’t know it any different, so I can imagine it any differently. I don’t mourn for that life I thought I wanted because in the end this is the life I always wanted, I just never knew it. I have many siblings and they all have kids so babies and children were nothing new to me. What was new to me is have a daughter with down syndrome. What was new to me was being a mommy and feeling this Giant need to protect this little girl that I have created, knowing I need to educate myself faster on down syndrome than I have ever educated myself on any other subject. That was all new to me. The first thing to come out of my mouth after being told my daughter has down syndrome was “well can I still hold her”. This is my daughter and no matter what God entrusted her life within my hands and I feel pretty honored for that. So Thank you God for sending me to Holland and not Italy with everyone else.